Monday, November 19, 2012

"Thanksgiving." It sounds like the kind of totally awesome holiday that I could get behind. It's supposed to be all warm and do-goody and filled with gratitude for the stuff we already have (before Black Friday, when Americans go buy all the other stuff they don't have and totally covet). But here's the thing....

Thanksgiving was founded when the Pilgrims stole the Native American lands, and called it "sharing." That's actually a lot like how Midori shares. She takes what she wants, and then tells you that you can have it back later....when she's ready. So it's kind of sharing. And, to be fair, the whites did share smallpox, so that's something.

That aside, Thanksgiving used to be a good excuse for Americans to gorge on all kinds of high calorie, refined carbs and sugared desserts...but now, the excuse is called "Monday." Or "Tuesday." Or "Wednesday." You get my drift.

I should throw in my vegan card here, too. I don't even eat most of the Thanksgiving fare. That's probably a good thing, because the Thanksgiving bird is really little more than a ticking time bomb of disease, if you believe all the Department of Ag stats on salmonella. Basically, you can either cook the thing until it resembles a charcoal briquette, or you can risk your life while trying to avoid making eye contact with your drunk uncle eyeing the gravy boat on your side of the table. Or you can go drink a bunch of beer in your backyard, and throw the turkey into a deep fat fryer, and take your house and friends along with your meal.

I usually make some sort of extravagant vegan thingy that no one save me will eat, and call it "Happy Feasting" while I watch my carnivorous family pick at the carcass of some genetically altered fowl. Super awesome.

But worse than being vegan is being diabetic. Not only is there the whole carb-heavy meal thing, which wreaks havoc on blood sugar, but there is the added weirdness of going through the diabetic paces with extended family. I am pretty open about having diabetes. I don't hide when I test or when I inject...but I also don't think that entitles people to comment. The general public, however, and my extended family, totally disagree.

I get it. It seems innocuous to inquire about how long a person has been diabetic, or what a day with diabetes looks like, or how many shots are required, or what a person "can" or "cannot eat." But it is invasive. Do you really think that I don't get asked these kinds of questions all. the. time.?? Is it so hard to believe that someone might not want to discuss their entire health history over cornbread stuffing and cranberry sauce?

This also beckons to the diabetic food police, who think nothing of dropping the judgemental, Is it really a good idea for you to eat that? These people usually fall into one of two groups: 1) Folks with bad nutritional habits of their own who have no understanding of basic metabolic processes and will heap gobs of carb-filled taters on your plate while admonishing you for even thinking about a piece of pie, and 2) Those family members with an axe to grind, and find this a handy way to pester under the guise of "seeming helpful." They are the same people who will note that you've "put on a few pounds," or ask you about the last round of layoffs at your company's home office.

The whole thing is irksome, and my only real goal is to survive. And get home. And then eat something I actually cold cereal, which I never get because it is really super bad for my blood sugar. But it works on Thanksgiving to offset the delayed low from all the booze I will need to consume to keep from tripping out.


1 comment:

  1. Well, Happy Feasting it is then!!
    this made me laugh, giggle, cringe and roll my eyes.